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For The Real Man

Posted in Humor by eyebee on February 27, 2010

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Birds Can Be Silly Too!

Posted in Humor by eyebee on January 22, 2010

There’s always one in every holiday snapshot though, isn’t there?

 

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Tiger Woods New Book

Posted in Humor by eyebee on December 13, 2009

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Fashion Diva?

Posted in Humor by eyebee on December 9, 2009

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Sex Change Terrorist

Posted in Humor by eyebee on December 9, 2009

It’s YOMAMA BIN SHOPPIN!

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What kind of mirror are they looking in before leaving home????

Posted in Humor by eyebee on October 21, 2009

West Virginia

I’ve seen people matching their outfits with their Jordans . This is the first time
I’ve seen the kicks match the Nascar jacket; and he obviously wants everyone
to see his shoes!
Arkansas
She must be on her way to her job as a back-up dancer for Salt-N-Peppa.
California
Cabbage Patch Man comes complete with a birth certificate,
application for adoption and they are each sold separately.
Oklahoma

He is wearing… a trash bag… as a skirt. I can’t even fathom
a reason why! – “Well maybe it was some sort of an emergency.â€
Who knows what he is going to use the Tupperware for.
California
Its not her fault; that guy’s fabulous rat tail makes all the girls pull their skirts up.
Utah
Got 4 to 1 odds saying she smelled her hand after she pulled it back out.
Oregon
He is like a parachute slowing down that drag-racer!!
Seriously, pick the kid up or buy him the candy bar he wants.
I’m not sure what point you are trying to make by dragging
him across the floor of a Walmart.
Georgia
Oh, It’s like a garbage bag filled with creamed corn.
California
C’mon now. This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘half-assed’.
Texas
This is either the ugliest woman ever,
the worst cross-dresser ever, or a guy
that is really bad at choosing gender
appropriate clothes. Maybe it’s all three –
an ugly woman, cross-dressing as a man,
who can’t pick out manly clothes.
T exas
Well the bleach from earlier obviously didn’t do the trick because
I still see this…. I’m switching to Drano.
Utah
I guess he thought he could roll his underwear
over his pants and use them as a belt…didn’t work.
Texas
I know, I know…… I want to see his old man boobs in
that mesh tank-top as well. Looks like we gotta settle for t
he shorts crammed with Depends. Sorry to disappoint.
Florida
“What is Walmart gay?†– great question;
Walmart gay is extra flamboyant attire like this,
that is still rooted in Walmartness. For example,
tying your shirt up like so is very flamboyant,
however it is also flannel. Pink shorts – big belt buckle.
Big goofy hat – doesn”t match a thing I think you get the idea.
California

If you’re going to wear a nice summer skirt like this,
don’t ruin it with those boots mister, because that is just wrong!
Ohio

Dear Rapunzel, that looks HEAVY AS HELL!!!
It looks like a rolled up rug chillin’ on your dome!
How/why do you put up with that?
P.S. I like your short yellow shorts and big shoes.
Georgia

I bet this guy is wearing a condom just so everything is tight and snug….
come to think of it, this guy kind of looks like a big condom
but I don’t have the balls to tell him that.
Unknown

“What?! I’m not wearing this because I crave attention.
This stuff is really, really comfortable.â€
California
Cat food, check. Ace bandage, check.
Scuba diver for fish tank, check.
Mirror?

Posted via email from Eyebeemania

Very interesting…..it really works!

Posted in Humor by eyebee on October 19, 2009

This math test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Saving Private Ryan.  Try it without looking at the answers.  It works!

Pick a number from 1 – 9. 

Multiply by 3.

Add 3, then multiply by 3 again.

You will get your answer by adding the  two digits together to find your all time favourite movie. Good Luck

It is:

1.   Gone with the wind.

2.   Aliens.

3.    Oliver

4.   Star Wars

5.    Forrest  Gump ..

6.   Saving  Private  Ryan ..

7.   Jaws.

8.   Grease.

9.   The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad gay boys.

10.    Mary  Poppins

Posted via email from Eyebeemania

Noxious Gas

Posted in Humor by eyebee on July 16, 2009

I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented “you’re definitely going to s**t yourself” roadkill chili.  Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here’s the thing.  I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.  No ‘Watson’s Movement 2’.  Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as ‘thunder  and lightning’.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal.  I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.  It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  I’m referring to that ‘Uh Oh, S**t, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time.  The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt.  In a mad rush for freedom, they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened.  The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.  I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.  Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally?  Here’s what I mean, and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could’ve warned that poor clerk, but didn’t.  I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees.  This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh………BIG mistake!!!!!

Here’s the thing.  When you laugh, it’s hard to keep things ‘clamped down’, if you know what I mean.  With each new guffaw, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region.  Some were so loud and echoing that was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny.  ‘It’ was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the rest- rooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side.  Just in the nick of time, I got to the john, began the inevitable ‘Oh my God’, floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging.  One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of ‘Shock and Awe’.  He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Sonofabitch!  Did it smell that bad when you ate it?’, then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, ‘Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes.  It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.  The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.’

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.

The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, ‘IT’S YOU!’,  then ran off returning moments later with the manager.  I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls.  The next day I went to shop at Lowe’s.  I can’t say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they’re going to have to repaint the store…

Bacon Grease Warning!

Posted in Humor by eyebee on May 23, 2009

IMPORTANT A MUST READ!!
    BACON GREASE WARNING:
There is nothing better to fry eggs, pop corn, seasoned beans, or seasoned cornbread.  But I know this can happen!!!!  IF YOU HAVE EVER INGESTED BACON GREASE IN ANY FORM.   PLEASE READ THIS!!!!

Bacon Grease warning
The question is: Do you use bacon grease?

We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. 
I will never use it again.  I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.

COOKING WITH BACON GREASE

I just threw out my last 2 tbsp of bacon grease!!
This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.

Bacon grease will make your feet shrink!!!
Warn everyone !!

Posted via email from Eyebeemania