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Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 25, 2009

Dominoes 2009

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 24, 2009

Noxious Gas

Posted in Humor by eyebee on July 16, 2009

I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented “you’re definitely going to s**t yourself” roadkill chili.  Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here’s the thing.  I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.  No ‘Watson’s Movement 2’.  Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as ‘thunder  and lightning’.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal.  I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.  It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  I’m referring to that ‘Uh Oh, S**t, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time.  The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt.  In a mad rush for freedom, they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened.  The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.  I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.  Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally?  Here’s what I mean, and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could’ve warned that poor clerk, but didn’t.  I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees.  This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh………BIG mistake!!!!!

Here’s the thing.  When you laugh, it’s hard to keep things ‘clamped down’, if you know what I mean.  With each new guffaw, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region.  Some were so loud and echoing that was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny.  ‘It’ was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the rest- rooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side.  Just in the nick of time, I got to the john, began the inevitable ‘Oh my God’, floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging.  One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of ‘Shock and Awe’.  He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Sonofabitch!  Did it smell that bad when you ate it?’, then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, ‘Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes.  It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.  The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.’

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.

The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, ‘IT’S YOU!’,  then ran off returning moments later with the manager.  I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls.  The next day I went to shop at Lowe’s.  I can’t say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they’re going to have to repaint the store…

A true story? You Decide!

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 16, 2009

Bill owns a company that manufactures and installs car wash systems.. Bill’s company installed a car wash system in Frederick , Md. Now, understand that these are complete systems, including the money changer and money taking machines.

The problem started when the new owner complained to Bill that he was losing significant amounts of money from his coin machines each week.

He went as far as to accuse Bill’s employees of having a key to the boxes and ripping him off. Bill just couldn’t believe that his people would do that, so they setup a camera to catch the thief in action. Well, they did catch him on film!

That’s a bird sitting on the change slot of the machine.


The bird had to go down into the machine, and back up inside to get to the money!

That’s three quarters he has in his beak! Another amazing thing is that it was not just one bird — there were several working together. Once they identified the thieves, they found over $4000 in quarters on the roof of the car wash and more under a nearby tree.

And you thought you heard of everything by now!! !!

And to think the phrase ‘bird brain’ is associated with being dumb. Not these birds..
Posted via email from Eyebeemania

Things look a bit different after taking Viagara!

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 10, 2009

 Things look a bit different after taking Viagara! WOW lol
 
 


Posted via email from Eyebeemania

Avery Maharaja IPA is back and more new arrivals at CBX!!

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 10, 2009

Just wanted to give you all a heads up on some great new stuff that arrived just in time for the weekend:

Yes, it's back!  The eagerly awaited return of fresh Avery Maharaja Imperial IPA is finally upon us!  Both bottles and growlers of this amazing beer will be available first come, first serve while it lasts!

More great stuff in bottles:

Smuttynose Star Island Single
Holy Mackerel Special Golden Ale
Founders Centennial IPA (very fresh, back in stock)
Sam Smith Organic Cherry
Sierra Nevada Kellerweis (back in stock)
Sierra Nevada Torpedo (back in stock- never lasts long)
Brooklyner Weisse
Ballast Point Sculpin (limit one per person)

Cheers,

The Charleston Beer Exchange
14 Exchange St.
Charleston, SC 29401
843.577.5446
www.thecharlestonbeerexchange.com

Posted via email from Boozemania

Rare Beer Tuesday and New Arrivals at The Charleston Beer Exchange

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 7, 2009

Some new and exciting updates from The Charleston Beer Exchange:

Rare Beer Tuesday Tonight (7/7/09)
As they do every Tuesday at 5pm, they'll be tapping an extra special keg on the growler station for growler fills.  Tonight's feature is Oak Aged Mad Hatter IPA from New Holland Brewing Company!  This special IPA is aged for 45 days in Woodford Reserve Bourbon Barrels and then dry-hopped for a truly unique aroma and flavor.  Don't miss the chance to try this rare and special beer!  Only $14 per growler fill!

New Arrivals in Bottles
Hoppin' Frog Outta Kilter Wee Heavy Scotch-Style Red Ale
New Holland Imperial Hatter IPA
Smuttynose Baltic Porter
Weyerbacher Muse
Weyerbacher Slam Dunkel
Stone Levitation

A Special Beer and Food Experience
The Boston Beer Company and The Culinary Institute of Charleston are teaming up for an incredible beer dinner experience with all proceeds benefiting the Culinary Institute.  The menu is really breath taking.  See more details here:

http://beeradvocate.com/events/info/26414

Cheers,

The Charleston Beer Exchange
14 Exchange St.
Charleston, SC 29401
843.577.5446
www.thecharlestonbeerexchange.com

Posted via email from Boozemania

8 Babies

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 2, 2009

Castle?

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 2, 2009

It’s said that an Englishman’s home is his castle. Unfortunately, it’s not my castle, and this particular castle – Hever  in Kent, was owned by The Astor family for many years, who were certainly not English!

Posted via email from Eyebeemania

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

Posted in Uncategorized by eyebee on July 1, 2009


                            LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

1        Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2        hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3        wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4        thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5        finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6        measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7        breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8        vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9        knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10      classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11      dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12      promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13      executed as soon as possible.

Addendum
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Posted via email from Eyebeemania